Human beings are so weird.
Even when we know what is good for us or maybe we have a nudging feeling of something we believe would make us happy, fulfill us on a deeper level, allow us to reach our potential, all that good ju ju stuff…….we do the opposite. We actually avoid that very thing. We complain of time, money, circumstance…whatever. Then we throw our hands up in defeat. Complaining of some force of nature made us sit on the couch for the 7 hour netflix marathon instead of _____________.
What is your fill in the blank?Most of us have something. That something that won’t leave us alone. That is calling us to make it happen. We promise ourselves that we will do it in the morning. Or maybe tonight when the kids go to bed. Or you know what, in the fall when they go back to school. Or when I lose 10 pounds or start drinking green juice. Or when I by the house, or get the job. Or even better, I know what I will start doing. I will wake up at 4 am and get this banged out in no time. Starting….tomorrow.
Yet, for some weird, all too human, reason, we put it off. Again.
At least I am.
My fill in the blank is writing.
I was reminded, just last week, that October, was the 31 Day Writing Challenge. You pick a topic and write, everyday, for 31 days.
First thought was, “Yay….this will get me going”. After that fleeting thought…..fear had a field day.
As I let fear have it’s say, and contemplated the terrifying vulnerability of jumping into something like this…… I, miraculously, remembered a dream I had about 5 years ago.
It was within the first few months of moving to our new town. In the dream I was in the local grocery store. It was a pretty boring dream until I bumped into someone I just had met at my kids school. As I stopped to chit chat with this new potential friend in my new town where I didn’t know anyone, I looked down and realized…no pants. The panic that followed is just plain ridiculous. And wait, now that I was getting a good look…turns out shirt was MIA as well. WHAT?! So, right there in the cereal aisle, I allowed this new “potential” friend to see it ALL. Hey, want to be my friend? Me and my boobs?
The funny thing was, in the dream it was as if no one else was aware of my painful nudity. It was just me. I was continuing with awfully awkward small talk and my ass was hanging out! Everyone just kept smiling and talking about the weather. It was only me feeling the agony of my exposed-ness.But here’s the gold that I am so grateful to have remembered, by the end of the dream I actually was OK with it. I stood up tall, feeling the breeze, and all was normal (all relative here in dream land mind you) in the world again. AND I had made a friend. I made a new friend while wearing my birthday suit. Hot damn.
I took the memory of this “putting it all our there” dream as my push to action. Maybe I will feel awkward and exposed and naked. Actually, I am sure that I will. But maybe I will also get over it. Even if it’s just for a moment, maybe I will be able to stand up tall and let the breeze hit me. And if I just keeping going, owning the vulnerability, maybe I will even connect with some of you along the way.
So, next step…pick the topic.I knew, from that first “Ok, this is actually a thing and I am going to do this” moment, that I would talk about my new favorite yoga phrase, mantra, affirmation…whatever you want to call it.
Root to Rise
I spent the bulk of my life reaching from thin air. Stretching my arms and heart to grasp onto what though I “should” want/have/be. The flimsy floors I stood on couldn’t hold me. I went through life floating and getting pushed around. Always looking for a way out.Right now, in this very moment, I am learning how to ground myself. To dig my feet into the earth on which I am standing, breath deep, and own that shit.
I am taking the next 31 days to write about my efforts to root down, knowing now that this is where I find the stability and strength to RISE.